between life and death

It's funny everything you take for granted in day to day life. Or the silly shit you worry about. Actually, when I say you, I mean I. Life has been crazy for me lately and there have been a lot of major life changes. Where to begin...
In November D and I found out that I am pregnant. Yay! We were so excited, D even shed a few happy tears. He's going to be the best daddy ever. We were cautious, knowing that a lot can go wrong in that first trimester, but decided to call my mom about it anyway. Nobody was more excited than she was. I thought it'd give her something to live for. I wish I'd been right.
On December 3rd, we went to my first ultrasound. We saw the little hummingbird heart beating. It was so small, so fast, and so precious. More happy tears. I immediately went home to call my mom. She was the first one that I wanted to share it with. Unfortunately she didn't answer the phone, but since that was not unusual I left her a message about the little heart beating inside me.
On December 4th, around 9:30 or 10 in the morning, D called me at work. I had been on could 9 that morning thinking about that teeny little heart. He told me he had bad news, and I asked him if he'd gotten laid off. He said "It's way worse." He was right. Then he told me that my mom had passed away. What?!!!! I lost it. How could everything go from so perfect to so devastatingly wrong in just one short phone call? D came and got me from work and I went home to make plans to go to MN. I left the very next day.
I guess it's been kind of a roller coaster ride lately.