D's been gone since Wednesday. We don't really like spending so much time apart. But I have to say that it's been good for me. I'm enjoying my independence. It's not that I don't miss him. I really do. Especially at night. It's just that i I've been doing things that I don't normally do when he's here. It's not that he holds me back, that's not it at all. It's just that I'd generally rather hang out with him than just about anything else most of the time. But I do enjoy my me time as well. And it's easier to have that while he's somewhere else b/c I avoid the temptation and ease of just snuggling up to him. Snuggling up to him is my favorite past time, which is why I don't get all my independent time when he's around.

Last night I got to have some much needed girl time. Rox and Tara came over for dinner and I made us some yummy vegan stuffed shells. We hung out, had some drinks, and caught up. Then we went dancing at Club 6. Fun, fun, fun. I need my girl time more often. Of course we always promise that we'll do it, but we don't. And we probably won't, but it's always nice when we do.

I think I was freaking out about getting married for a little while. Feeling overwhelmed is more like it. It was good to talk to the girls about it. Everybody freaks out sometimes, I guess and it was good to be reminded of that. But now I'm just excited. I know this is right. D being away has reinforced that for me. I miss him, but I feel safe and comfortable even when he's away. I know that he's not out fucking around. I know that he misses me as much as I miss him. I know that he'll be just as excited to see me as I will be to see him when he gets back. And more importantly I know that I'll be OK while he's gone. I know that I won't fuck around. Which I've never been sure of before. I've always wondered about my ability to be monogamous. But now I look forward to it. It's weird, but it feels good.